Im been thinking very seriously why a lot of smart people are not successful. I watch a DVD program called, 'Get Altitude', it said the reason people are prevented from success are due to:
1. Emotional Estimation
People are horrible in predicting how the future will make us feel. For example, if we do something we think its going to make us feel good or if you do something else, its going to make you feel bad. Or if you feel good about something, then you think its going to be good. (its probably usually wrong - see my below post about uncomfortable decisions for further explanation)
2. Seeing and Seeking Only Validation
I was thinking about this seriously, when i was playing poker, i was seeing the things where i made the right decisions but i didn't really see where i was wrong. I keep thinking i was the best but i was probably was making an amateur mistake. I had a big ego.
To solve this he said you require:
Data driven decisions - When was the last time you track your results? With playing poker - i never ever track my resullts i.e win/loss rate, amount usually bet etc. Your mind can't argue with numbers. Numbers dont have an opinion, they can't tell you personally how good you are.
Test, Model, Project - Do a test, build a little model with the results, and then project.
Wednesday, February 6, 2008
Don't Fall Into Becoming The Victim
When i lost a ton of money a few hours ago, I wanted to tell my friend that i lost a ton of money - I wanted him to feel sorry for me. I wanted someone to acknowledge that i had done a big mistake.
It felt like being congratulated for losing shitloads of money or felt sorry for. Retrospecting on this, i think this is the worse thing that i can do. Everytime i do this, i make people feel sorry for me. This is unfair to them - because i'm manipulating them and i havent learnt a thing.
In fact, i will eventually keep making the same mistakes and i become the victim due to my own self-manipulation. Have you ever had any friends that you feel sorry for? If you look deeper into this person, the person is actually manipulating you and himself/herself - and they don't even realize it. Most of the time, they want attention and approval.
I think this is my weakness - wanting attention and approval. But i think it's not best to dwell on it. I need to let it go. That's the hardest thing, letting it go.
It felt like being congratulated for losing shitloads of money or felt sorry for. Retrospecting on this, i think this is the worse thing that i can do. Everytime i do this, i make people feel sorry for me. This is unfair to them - because i'm manipulating them and i havent learnt a thing.
In fact, i will eventually keep making the same mistakes and i become the victim due to my own self-manipulation. Have you ever had any friends that you feel sorry for? If you look deeper into this person, the person is actually manipulating you and himself/herself - and they don't even realize it. Most of the time, they want attention and approval.
I think this is my weakness - wanting attention and approval. But i think it's not best to dwell on it. I need to let it go. That's the hardest thing, letting it go.
Why I Keep Repeating Mistakes
I feel numb. I don't feel anything. I don't feel anything. I don't know why i keep repeating the same mistake but i can tell you why i started to gamble.
Here's why:
I'm in dire financial state. In a month time, I've got university next month and i have to work less - which means less money in the bank. I got no saving. So i'm desperate for money. I know only one way that i can make money quick i.e gamble on poker and blackjack. I know that blackjack have a negative expectation (it can't be beaten - unless you use a special money management strategy and you can count cards. You need tons of money to absorb the swings and you have to be a good card counter. Plus, it only works with shoes. Casinos (except in Skycity) nowadays only have continuous shuffling machine which makes counting pointless. Fuck i just talking out of my ass now.....). With poker, I know that i'm good at it - but it requires extra concentration and patience. Once you go on 'tilt' or lose focus, everything can fall apart.
There's another way to make money, to start up my own online business or work extra hours at my physio place. I have avoided doing this for the past week as it would take some effort and occupy a lot of my time. I started doing it and haven't got to finish anything. I know this would make me money. Seems like i was being too lazy.
It seems like i'm taking the short route to riches. Looking back, most of the big mistakes i had was because i looked at the short term. You know, i go buy that lottery ticket or instant scratchie. Pop a few bucks in the poker machine in hope to win a quick grand.
Most of the time i never look at the long term. I know that if i fail in the short term, i always got backup to help me with finance. I know this is not good for me or my family. If i keep on depending on them then i keep on making my mistakes and i know they will bail me out.
The other reason i wanted to make money quick is for validation. I do it to show i off - tell people how good i am playing poker or how quick i made the money. Validation is weakness. It means that you're insecure in yourself so you have to prove that you're good.
In my own little fantasy, i want to buy a big house, have a hot girlfriend, cool car, go on exotic holidays etc to show off to friends and family. But does it really matter?
In the end, when you're 80 yrs old, nobody going to give a shit that you have a big house, a cool sports car and your hot girlfriend will eventually have multiple facial reconstruction that she would like look a half breed version of Madonna and your hairy ass. I'm not sure what to do here but fuck, i need to change something.
Here's why:
I'm in dire financial state. In a month time, I've got university next month and i have to work less - which means less money in the bank. I got no saving. So i'm desperate for money. I know only one way that i can make money quick i.e gamble on poker and blackjack. I know that blackjack have a negative expectation (it can't be beaten - unless you use a special money management strategy and you can count cards. You need tons of money to absorb the swings and you have to be a good card counter. Plus, it only works with shoes. Casinos (except in Skycity) nowadays only have continuous shuffling machine which makes counting pointless. Fuck i just talking out of my ass now.....). With poker, I know that i'm good at it - but it requires extra concentration and patience. Once you go on 'tilt' or lose focus, everything can fall apart.
There's another way to make money, to start up my own online business or work extra hours at my physio place. I have avoided doing this for the past week as it would take some effort and occupy a lot of my time. I started doing it and haven't got to finish anything. I know this would make me money. Seems like i was being too lazy.
It seems like i'm taking the short route to riches. Looking back, most of the big mistakes i had was because i looked at the short term. You know, i go buy that lottery ticket or instant scratchie. Pop a few bucks in the poker machine in hope to win a quick grand.
Most of the time i never look at the long term. I know that if i fail in the short term, i always got backup to help me with finance. I know this is not good for me or my family. If i keep on depending on them then i keep on making my mistakes and i know they will bail me out.
The other reason i wanted to make money quick is for validation. I do it to show i off - tell people how good i am playing poker or how quick i made the money. Validation is weakness. It means that you're insecure in yourself so you have to prove that you're good.
In my own little fantasy, i want to buy a big house, have a hot girlfriend, cool car, go on exotic holidays etc to show off to friends and family. But does it really matter?
In the end, when you're 80 yrs old, nobody going to give a shit that you have a big house, a cool sports car and your hot girlfriend will eventually have multiple facial reconstruction that she would like look a half breed version of Madonna and your hairy ass. I'm not sure what to do here but fuck, i need to change something.
Argghhhhhh!!!
I have reached a new low. I've gambled most of my wages away. This is disgusting. I feel really really low. I have turned into a degenerate gambler. A zombie. What have i done to myself?
This sucks. I need someone to kick my ass. I don't know why i do this to myself? I was winning big on blackjack and felt like i could last forever. Eventually the negative expectation of blackjack has caught up to me. I was stupid enough to play blackjack. I know that the house will always win. I lost a shit load of money on that.
I then went to play poker. I was up to about $1000. I played really good. I was able to read their cards and maximize my winnings. Then with one hand, everything blew apart. I had a flush on the turn and one guy had trips and another had two pair. I was way ahead on the turn. Then BANG! i repeater hit the river to fill up with full house. The lucky bastard, he had at least 20% chance to win, while i was way, way ahead. That fucking river cost me $900. I would've been up by $1300.
Fuck!!! Fuck!!!!
Need to reevaluate my life. This sucks man.
This sucks. I need someone to kick my ass. I don't know why i do this to myself? I was winning big on blackjack and felt like i could last forever. Eventually the negative expectation of blackjack has caught up to me. I was stupid enough to play blackjack. I know that the house will always win. I lost a shit load of money on that.
I then went to play poker. I was up to about $1000. I played really good. I was able to read their cards and maximize my winnings. Then with one hand, everything blew apart. I had a flush on the turn and one guy had trips and another had two pair. I was way ahead on the turn. Then BANG! i repeater hit the river to fill up with full house. The lucky bastard, he had at least 20% chance to win, while i was way, way ahead. That fucking river cost me $900. I would've been up by $1300.
Fuck!!! Fuck!!!!
Need to reevaluate my life. This sucks man.
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